02 / 01: slim shady
guess who’s back.
i’m sure you get the title now, so let’s get this show on the road. i need to write more. i know, i know, i say this every time. but the difference now is i’m almost one year, two semesters, three class standings, nine months, seventy credits, and lots more into college. point is: i’ve made my way into a completely new life and only looking back now have i realized that things are so different. time is so weird. that’s something i don’t even want to get into right now because i could write endless digital pages on how funky time makes me feel. but that’s not why we’re here, now is it?
no no, we’re here because i’m (yet again) a new me. to be fair, i told you more than once that this was going to happen and it is not my fault if you expected me to stay the same. people never stay the same. that’s another thing i’ll find time to drone on about at some point, but not today. today is about fresh starts and longer hair and new routines and different bedrooms and switching jobs and moving on. today is about difference.
for those of you who are living under a rock, i want to be a journalist. with more than everything in me, all i want to do is write, i don’t even know what about yet. but needless to say, i’ve taken a few journalism and comm classes at this point in my college career and i was told that i need to write more. i need to write at every opportunity i get, which is what i plan on doing starting now. so get excited ladies n gents n everyone in between, because you can expect more lola in the coming weeks. i have a lot to say. to be completely honest, i feel like i talk all the time but i really haven’t said anything in awhile. i’ve been pretty passive, and i hate it. so we’re moving some things around, we’re making some changes, and here we come baby.
this is gonna be a short one because there’s honestly a lot going on in my brain today, but i’m going to try and start saying more. my goal is to write at least once a week, even though i would really love to do it every day. i just don’t know if that’s realistic for now. with eighteen hours of classes, trying to figure out my social life, having a job, getting to know my new roomates, keeping up with a relationship, and trying to maintain a caffeine addiction, there’s hardly time in the day to get in any time on gardenscapes, let alone to write out my deepest and darkest thoughts.
so to be completely real with you, we’ll see what happens. i just don’t wanna be alone on this journey anymore. i’m sick of keeping people out of my life and out of my brain because of things i’ve been through in the past. i’m currently in the process of grieving many people and many places that have come and gone and never will again, which is a lot for me. and as part of that, i’m cutting soul ties, i’m ridding myself of physical and digital memories i no longer have space for, and i’m including others in what goes on in my head. so now, you get to be part of it. and we’ll see what happens together.
i’m not doing this alone anymore, even if togetherness is just me and an empty domain on the internet. i’m ready to be a person again rather than a shell. so no more constantly telling everyone i’m okay, no more sole documentation of the good things, no more shutting out the part of me that is screaming into the void. from here on out, we’re all screaming together.
welcome to the sitcom. i’m quite glad to have you here and i hope that in all my ramblings, you can take away any slightest bit of realism and relation. i hope you know that you’re not alone as long as i’m here. i’m putting it all out there because i can’t be scared anymore. i’ve done so much in the past eight months that has sent fear into every corner of my body, and i never seem to tell myself how proud i am that i’m not crashing under the weight of my anxiety anymore.
we’re gonna do this together. you’re gonna listen and thank whatever is running our dear old universe that all those weird things you do and crazy things you think aren’t just in your own head. i’m gonna be the (mostly) comedic relief in this stupid, melodramatic, cw, e! network dramedy that i call a life. and together, we’re gonna do some learning, some laughing, and probably some crying in there. after all, i am my mother’s daughter and i tend to cry when the wind blows.
so get excited!! more talking, more doing, and maybe something will come of it for one or both of us.
i mean, how am i ever gonna be carrie bradshaw if my ideas never climb the fence, escape my brain, and drive into the sunset??
anyway
i missed you a ton. i hope you missed me too.
i’m very happy to finally see you again.
let’s make history. :)
- lola claire <33
